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I hate this song: Vol. 1

October 5, 2010

SONG: “I’ll Be”

ARTIST: Edwin McCain

YEAR: 1998

Maybe it’s the fact that this song plays every god damn time I’m at the mall or maybe it’s the fact that the lyrics are bizarre (what’s a “love suicide”?) or maybe it’s the fact that the song is fucking awwwwwwwwful. Whatever the reason, Edwin McCain’s “I’ll Be” is near the top of my list of songs I can’t stand. When it comes on, I begin to list several things I’d rather do than listen to the rest of it.

Here’s a sample of list of things I’d prefer to do instead of “I’ll Be”:

  • Ride a bike uphill in 100 degree heat
  • Swim with sharks
  • Listen to Rush Limbaugh
  • Swim with Rush Limbaugh
  • Lick old ketchup off a wet plate
  • Eat chalk

There are times when I find this song in someone’s library. At first I chuckle, assuming they downloaded it ironically. If they have then we laugh and move on, it’s all for the sake of comedy. If it’s not for irony, if I find out someone I know really, truly likes “I’ll Be” then I begin to stutter. I begin to sweat. I begin to question my place in the world. How can I co-exist with “I’ll Be”? How can I possibly live my life knowing that somewhere out there, a person is paying money to listen to it?

Then I take a few minutes to compose myself, leave abruptly and head down the road like Bruce Banner in THE INCREDIBLE HULK.

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