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Goddammit Netflix

September 24, 2010

Netflix and NBC just struck a massive deal allowing the company to stream dozens of titles and hundreds of episodes online (through your Wii, XBox, PS3 or Tivo) starting next week. Every season of Saturday Night Live, including new episodes the day after their air, seasons of Battlestar Galactica, The Office, 30 Rock, Law & Order, Friday Night Lights and…and…


Netflix, you don’t know what you’re doing to me. I’ve got enough on my plate, okay? I’ve got a big trip tomorrow, I’ve got work I need to get done, I’ve got Fallout: New Vegas coming out next month. I literally have no time – NO TIME! – to watch hundreds of TV shows. You know I’ve been meaning to get into Battlestar Galactica! You know I love Saturday Night Live! Do you want me to become an obese bearded mess?

I can see it now: three months from now, a chubby, hairy Brandon emerges from his apartment into the cold daylight of Portland. He squints at the sun, scratches his scraggly face. He’s wearing slippers, a tattered robe and a stained tank-top. His boxers are torn and exposed, his eyes are red and his hair shaggy. He actually fits in pretty well with the rest of Portland.

Future Brandon walks to the gas station up the street, wanders the aisles and grabs a bag of Cheez-Its, M&M’s and a diet Mountain Dew. He approaches the counter and throws down his cash. The man behind the counter looks up him over.

“Jesus, man,” the cashier says, “what happened to you?”

“Seasons one through eight of Monk.”

One Comment leave one →
  1. September 29, 2010 8:57 am

    Wait until you get into BSG. You are SO SCREWED.

    Don’t worry, I’ll bring you McDonalds once a day.

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