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An Open Letter to President Obama

March 11, 2010

Originally posted at speakwithoutinterruption:

Dear President Obama,

Hey, it’s Brandon again.

I recently read that you are inviting Tom Hanks and Steven Spielberg to The White House to view the new HBO series The Pacific. I think that’s great. It’s very honorable that you are respecting these men who are chronicling the efforts of our uniformed men and women. I just have one favor to ask you sir: invite me.

That’s right. Me, Brandon Marcus. Let me join in on this screening. Now, I know that you and I have never met but we run in similar circles. For example, you run the largest modern civilization on Earth. And I am currently downloading Sid Meier’s Civilization IV. You are the winner of the Nobel Peace Prize and I am the three-time recipient of the Attendance Award at Alice Birney Elementary.

Also, we’re Facebook friends.

So we’d probably get along just fine. And I like that Joe Biden guy. I like the cut of his jib and the way he wears his hat. I’m sure we’d have some killer conversations before the movie.

Oh, added bonus! I’ve been a lifelong fan of Steven Spielberg. One of my earliest memories is of being terrified by E.T. I think I’ve seen every major film he’s released. The same goes for Tom Hanks, that’s guys just A+ in my book. Straight shooters, the both of ’em.

Needless to say, we’d have just a great, great time together. As well, I’m a very polite audience member. I silence my phone, I don’t rest my feet on the seat in front of me and I never ask questions during. I’m also plenty generous with my snacks. You want some Mike & Ike’s, Mr. President? Yeah, we can share a straw, it’s okay! What’s that, too much salt on the popcorn? I thought so too. You know how those kids at the concession stand are, am I right Mr. President?

Anyone will tell you, Mr. President, that I have an encyclopedic knowledge when it comes to cinema. If you had a query about an actor on screen, just wave me over. I’d be able to list off four or five movies you’ve seen him in before.

Better yet, Barack (you don’t mind that I call you Barack, do you Mr. President?), I can bring my own DVD collection! You know, for once The Pacific is over. Tom and Steven can stay if they want. That obviously limits my selection (I doubt Steven and Tom would want to watch Catch Me If You Can). Let’s see…what to watch, watch to watch…

Have you seen season one of Wings, Mr. President?

Or maybe we’ll just watch The Pacific. We’ll watch The Pacific and then talk about how brave the men and women of the greatest generation were and how proud we are of all of them and their accomplishment. AND THEN! Then we can listen to Wilco and talk about current events together. C’mon, you can spare a few hours for a concerned voter, can’t you? We don’t even have to talk about current events. We can talk about basketball — we both like basketball! Who’s got better D, Mr. President, Cleveland or L.A.? Quick, gimme your picks for the Eastern Conference!

Ha ha ha ha, oh Mr. President, we’d have so much fun!

So just consider my offer. I’d fly myself out, of course. I’d bring my own sleeping bag (this was going to be a sleep-over thing, right?). I’d be a pleasant, polite guest. In fact, after the first few days, you wouldn’t even notice I’m there.

What do you say, Mr. President? Why not let me hang out with you guys?


Brandon Marcus

P.S. This will be my last letter — I swear! And I’ll stop calling, too. Promise!

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