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Lindsay Lohan: “I’m a Hoarder”; Me: “Um, what?”

February 28, 2010

EXCLUSIVE! EXCLUSIVE! Lindsay Lohan is a hoarder!

Lohan, interviewed by that woman from Reno 911, reveals to The Insider that she’s got a problem with hoarding — JUST LIKE THAT ONE SHOW ON THE TV!

“It’s kind of a sore subject,” the Mean Girls star says about her massive amount of shoes and clothing. “I just need to get rid of this stuff.” The music is really dramatic so you know that Lindsay’s serious.

I could care less about Lindsay Lohan. She hasn’t really been on my radar since A Prairie Home Companion. Since then, she’s devoted her time to crashing cars and drunken ramblings on Twitter. Obviously, you need more than that to draw me in. That being said, this new revelation about hoarder intrigues me, mostly because it’s complete BS.

Lohan in her natural element

Lohan in her element

Lindsay Lohan is NOT a hoarder. Lindsay Lohan is a rich starlet who gets ridiculous amounts of free stuff from designers. Lindsay Lohan is also a rich starlet who spends her time roaming the Hollywood Hills, searching for the loudest party instead of cleaning out her house. In other words, Lindsay Lohan is a lazy drunk. The people on Hoarders are folks who have serious emotional scars and require psychological help. While I think that Lohan probably needs some sort of psychiatric evaluation, I doubt she’s actually a hoarder.

So why say she is? Maybe because The Insider will publicize it and it’ll spread like wildfire via the web. Maybe because Lohan’s career and image are so tarnished that she needs something — anything — to revive them. If there’s one thing we know about America, it’s that it love when troubled stars make comebacks. Robert Downey Jr. anybody?

But I think Lohan went about this the wrong way. She should have confessed to a different disorder. I think maybe some good old fashioned OCD would have appealed to the people more. Film some clips of her repeatedly locking and unlocking her door — priceless! Also, she should have a sit-down interview with someone who isn’t as annoying as the Free Credit commercials. No offense, Niecy Nash. Call up Diane Sawyer or, fingers crossed, Oprah. That would bring in the viewers. That could get Lindsay’s career going again.

But, alas, she’s stuck with hoarding and The Insider. Who knows, maybe that’s all it takes. Maybe this will work in Lohan’s favor and she’ll garner some sympathy and perhaps get her life back on track.

Or maybe, just maybe, Lindsay really is a hoarder. Maybe she really is sick and needs medical attention. Maybe this really is a cry for help, even if she’s broadcasting it on national television.

But probably not. I mean, this is Lindsay Lohan we’re talking about.

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