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I Googled Myself

February 27, 2010

Originally posted at speakwithoutinterruption:


There are many ways to measure a man’s worth. You can examine the amount of money he gives to charity or the time he spends helping his community. You can look at his family, see how he has affected those closest to him. You can look at the amount he recycles, the way he cares for the environment. Yes, there are many legitimate ways to gauge the success of a person.

And there are many illegitimate ways too. Luckily for me, these are easier.

I “googled” myself yesterday. I’m sure many of you have done it as well. Head over to Google, type your name into the search bar and see what comes up. This is the greatest way to judge your worth in our pop culture-driven, internet-savvy society. How big is the internet footprint you’ve left? Do you make the first page of results? The second page? Is there some weird freak with your name who is stealing precious bandwith? Does a goth-metal band share your name? Perhaps your name belongs solely to you.

I don’t remember why I looked myself up but the results surprised me. Of the top ten search results, I was actually associated with five of them. That’s pretty decent. In fact, my posts on Speak Without Interruption were the seventh most popular Brandon Marcus search.

Googling myself revealed some other interesting stuff. Another Brandon Marcus filmed the destruction of the World Trade Center from Ground Zero. It’s disturbing and astonishing footage that deserves the number one Brandon Marcus search result. There is another Brandon Marcus on MySpace and another on Facebook, both seemingly more popular than me. Oh well.

At some random robotics competition (yeah, I don’t know what that is either) a man nicknamed “Tytus” taped a paper on his back that read “BRANDON MARCUS IS MY HERO”. I don’t know which Brandon Marcus he’s talking about but I definitely appreciate the sentiment. And I’m proud of you Tytus. For whatever it is you’re doing with robots.

Brandon Marcus graduated from a Frenchburg, KY high school in 2003. Another Brandon Marcus has a Flickr account (currently empty). There is a doctor named Arlene Brandon Marcus.

See Dad, I’m a doctor.

There are so many Brandon Marcus’s, all over the world. We’re all doing different things with our lives. Luckily, I didn’t find a single mass murderer named Brandon Marcus. No neo-nazis or drug dealers either. Us Brandon Marcus’s keep relatively clean noses it seems.

I want to start a Brandon Marcus coalition. If I attempted to become friends with the other Brandon Marcus on Facebook do you think he’s oblige? Would it be weird to be contacted by someone you don’t know? He’s a big, tall, built looking individual. We really have nothing in common. Well, except for the name of course.

What about the Korean Brandon Marcus I found. Could we overcome the language barrier and craft a relationship built out of our common name?

That’s what this country needs, more people coming together. I should reach out to all Brandon Marcus’s. Who knows, maybe we have a lot in common. Maybe we all like the same movies or hate the same bands. Maybe we all despise the fact that our name is impossible to shorten, eliminating any chance of hip nicknames.

Or maybe we have nothing in common. Maybe I’m the only cool Brandon Marcus on Earth. Maybe the rest of them are all jerks.

Hey, whatever, at least I know I’m popular. Thanks Google.

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